“2-2-2” Rule
“You can’t really be present for the people in your life if you aren’t taking care of yourself.”
It’s Thursday….
My husband is gone on a 96-hour tour. Typically, he works 48 hours on, 96 hours off. This also happens to be the fifth consecutive 96-hour tour he has had to work in the last month. Basically, he is spending more time at the station or in the car commuting than at home. Insert overwhelmed self here. My patience, gone. My sanity, no where to be found. I am a tired and cranky version of myself. This version, the lack of sleep/barely showered/easily irritable one, she is not my favorite. She yells more, she complains often, and she is just no fun at all. I see it. My kids see it. When we facetime Dad at the station, he can see it too.
Does any of this sound familiar?
We see you, ladies!
Although this is not our usual schedule, it can pop up suddenly when you least expect it. Shifts need to be covered, someone gets hurt at work, a class needs to be taken or taught, a wildfire starts, or one of so many unknowns. Amidst all the chaos we took a step back and said, “WAIT! This is not healthy for any of us!”
We realized something needed to change.
All who know us know that we really struggle with self-care. My mom-guilt hits hard and fast like an unexpected punch in the stomach. Even just the thought of scheduling “me-time” can induce a self-inflicted panic attack. The incessant inner-monologue — “What about the kids?” … “They need to get to soccer (or rock climbing or dance or…).” “Homework needs to get done. And what about the laundry…And dinner.” The list goes on and on!
It’s my responsibility to make sure it all gets done. But why?
When did “being a mom” mean you were no longer you?
Shouldn’t we all be allowed a second to just “be”? And so, from this place of overwhelm and introspection came the creation of the “2-2-2 Rule”. It’s quite simple —
2 for “Them” – 2 for “Us” – 2 for ME
The “them” is the department – 48-hour tours (ha!) are what we signed up for when we fell in love with our first responders. The “us” is our family, our marriage, and our home. And the me – well that is the added piece that puts the whole equation back into balance.
20 minutes, 2 hours or 2 days …. Any one of those at the right time can give you the hard reset you need. It can be as simple as enjoying a cup of coffee in silence or taking a spontaneous 36-hour getaway with your nearest and dearest. While travel would most likely be at the top of everyone’s list, the reality is that travel may not be feasible for everyone. Maybe your budget or lack of childcare does not allow for a quick getaway or spa day (sign me up please!), but there are ALWAYS other ways to take a break if we just begin believing it is as important as all our other priorities.
Making time for yourself to rest and reset helps you come back ready to take on whatever the day throws at you. A simple walk around the block, a cup of tea in silence, grabbing coffee to catch up with some girlfriends or even going to bed early while your firefighter deals with bedtime — those little moments can do wonders.
And guess what, your firefighter should do the same. We all need space to just be. The fire schedule is so predictably unpredictable. Yes, we know what days our firefighters are scheduled to work for the rest of the year, but those unexpected or added days will throw a wrench into our (semi) organized chaos. In order to maintain a little balance, the 2-2-2 rule helps us try to plan and incorporate these time-outs into our schedule as we do all the other “musts”. My husband loves the outdoors, so he would jump at the chance for a backpacking trip up in Tahoe or a hunting expedition in Wyoming, but even just a run outside will re-center him. It is about finding what works for you within your means and availability. This is new to us, we are still learning, practicing and growing, but it IS doable.
Our hope in sharing this with all of you is to say “we see you” and one woman to another don’t forget about yourself. Make yourself a priority. Find what works for you — something that sparks joy. Something that makes you feel like the best version of yourself. Something that reminds you of the times you feel most free and unburdened. Something that helps you be the best mom and wife you can be. You may stumble trying to find your path, but try and take 20 minutes, 2 hours or 2 days to just be you.
xoxox – Gaby, Moni & Chels
